Today marks 12 weeks of motherhood. The first two weeks felt like we were living in A Nightmare on Elm Street with no sleep and constant crying. Nothing we did soothed him. Not even the Happiest Baby on the Block could save us. We were like deer in headlights trying to burp him this way and sway him that way. We tried swaddles and gripe water and pacifiers and ancient German wart of toad and heart of lamb spells. Nothing seemed to make him happy and that made us unhappy.
I cried a lot thinking I was a bad mother. I cried because I thought it would never get easier. I cried because I had heard that it would last for three months and I only had that much time before I had to go back to work. I cried because my husband would get to enjoy the happy Grayson while I worked in a gray cubicle under florescent lighting. We were first time parents without a clue. We had this tiny child we thought would break if we breathed too hard in his direction.
As the weeks went on things got easier. He cried less and slept more. We settled into a routine and learned his language. We left the house as often as we could. We realized that we were doing a good job and that he wasn’t unhappy, he was just a baby and babies cry to communicate.
I’m back at work now with a boss of mine from my Disney and Intuit days. It’s been interesting because not only have I never been a working mom before, but now I’m a working mom who works half time from home and half time from a city that is 4 hours north of our home. The beauty of having a young child not in school and a husband who works freelance is that they can travel wherever the work takes me. I am loving my two new jobs as Mom and Project Management Consultant and the challenges they bring. I feel super grateful that I didn’t have to choose between motherhood and my career because I really do love both. Just don’t tell my boss, but I love motherhood more ;).